


Can't Live Without

by VixxN (KobutoriRisu)



Category: K-pop, VIXX
Genre: Gen, Hakyeon has the prettiest smile, I think I'd choose Woon's way of coping too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 07:42:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9481481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KobutoriRisu/pseuds/VixxN
Summary: Taekwoon has his own way of coping.





	

The noise was, as the noise usually was when VIXX were left to their own devices, on the decidedly loud side. Taekwoon was used to it. It was a bit like white noise as long as no one was physically involving him in what was going on. He was currently quite contentedly sitting on a sofa, working on a song, while they argued or teased each other, or whatever it was they were doing at that moment.

“Taekwoon,” he heard a voice insert itself over the hubbub. Taekwoon looked up, to see a PD poking his head though the doorway. “It's time for your session,” the PD said.

Taekwoon nodded without speaking, and set his notepad aside, rising.

He went out the door into the large area on the other side. There was a decent amount of activity, people scurrying around with things to do. He followed the PD to a quiet area, set aside where two comfortable chairs were positioned. The PD picked up a folder from one, and sat, placing the folder on his lap. Taekwoon sat opposite, and waited expectantly.

“How are you doing?” The PD asked.

“Fine,” Taekwoon replied simply, falling silent after the single word.

The PD looked into his folder for a moment. “Last time I changed your medication. Have you noticed any issues? How are you feeling?”

Taekwoon frowned. Medication? He stared at the ground, confused, tilting his head from side to side, trying to make sense of it. He looked back up. There was a doctor sitting opposite him, not a PD. They looked much the same, but this was definitely a doctor, wearing a white doctor's coat.

He looked around and for a moment and the world shifted. It was dismal. White fluorescent lights, people in pyjamas, orderlies. The light was simultaneously too harsh and too dull.

“It's been... fine,” he stammered, trying to remember. Trying to make sense of everything.

The doctor nodded for a moment, then made a note in Taekwoon's file.

“Well. Let's continue then,” the doctor said. “Taekwoon, tell me about the accident.”

Taekwoon shook his head. He was remembering bits. Conversations. This doctor telling him that his memories were wrong. “I know it was just a dream,” he said softly.

“Tell me what you remember.”

He remembered the drive. They were all in the van, all six of them. He was generally being quiet, as was normal for him, while the others were busy joking around and being noisy. Hongbin was filming everything. Jaehwan was being crazy. Wonshik fell asleep, as Wonshik was wont to do, and Hyuk drew on his face with permanent marker. Hakyeon was listening to music, laughing while he watched the idiocy. He looked over at Taekwoon and smiled his beautiful smile. He moved over, sitting next to Taekwoon, and put one of his earbuds in Taekwoon's ear. Taekwoon fell asleep against the window, lulled by the warm sunlight from the beautiful day outside, listening to the music.

Then Taekwoon was running through fog, terrified something had happened to the others. It was frightening. He was alone and he couldn't see them, couldn't hear them. He had never been so afraid in his life.

But then he woke up, and it was okay. He was in a room, lying on a bed, and Hakyeon was leaning against the window, the light creating a halo around his head. Hakyeon turned his gaze to Taekwoon's and smiled at him again as they made eye contact. Taekwoon looked around, and the others were all there. Hongbin was still filming, Wonshik had managed to wash off the marker from his face...

“Taekwoon, no,” the doctor said gently. “We've been over this. That was a video clip you saw. A music clip. It's not what happened. Can't you remember?”

Taekwoon frowned at him, confused.

The doctor sighed. “Taekwoon. You have to let them go. We can't let you leave until you stop seeing your group mates.”

What did he mean? Why wouldn't he see them? They were right there, back in the room. He started to turn his head.

“Taekwoon,” the doctor drew his attention back. “The accident,” he prompted. “It was at night.”

There was a flickering in Taekwoon's head. A stabbing pain behind his eye and he had memories that made no sense. Memories that couldn't be right. _It was night. A different van, wrecked, in pieces. Taekwoon lying on the ground, broken. Pain. So much pain. There was no noise, no movement from anyone. What he could see of the others was unnaturally still. He was dragging himself over the dirt, dragging himself to Hakyeon's side. Hakyeon was unnaturally still. His beautiful face was perfect, like he was sleeping but Taekwoon could tell he wasn't sleeping. Taekwoon pulled Hakyeon into his arms, begging him to open his eyes, begging him to hear him. Hakyeon didn't respond. He didn't breathe. Taekwoon screamed for help. He screamed, and he screamed and his screams became less and less intelligible, until he was just screaming, a keening heartbroken wail until he fell unconscious, collapsing over the top of Hakyeon._

Taekwoon shook his head, no. That was a dream. He could remember Hakyeon's smile when he woke up. He could remember Hongbin just kept filming everything the whole time. He could remember Jaehwan's laugh. But he didn't know how he got from the van to the bed. Why couldn't he remember?

It had to be real.

His could feel his heart rate rising and no matter how fast he breathed, he wasn't getting any air. The spike behind his eye flared into an insistent drumming. The harsh lights were too bright. There was no colour, the world bleached to grey. His vision swam and he started to panic, cold seeping into his marrow. He span around, looking behind at the door he had come out of. Nothing. He could see nothing through the glass panel. He stopped breathing entirely and he couldn't hear anything over the hammering in his head.

Suddenly Jaehwan ran past the window in the door, looking back over his shoulder with a grin. He disappeared again and Hakyeon replaced him. Taekwoon could tell, even without sound that Hakyeon was scolding the other, making a chopping gesture across his neck. And then Hakyeon laughed. Colour started to leach back, originating from Hakyeon's laughter. Colour spreading out from the centre of Taekwoon's universe.

Taekwoon sighed. The pounding receded. His eye twitched, and he turned back around to face the PD. What had he been talking about? Something about touring? The schedule? Taekwoon couldn't remember. He frowned, trying to clear his head as the pain in his head resolved to a slightly distracting but tolerable dull ache. The PD sighed.

“I'll try harder,” Taekwoon offered, hoping that would cover it.

The PD looked a bit dissatisfied and watched Taekwoon for a moment.

“I've got a couple of songs I'm working on,” Taekwoon offered. “I'll get Wonshik's thoughts. Can I go?”

The PD watched him a moment more before nodding. “Yes, go on.”

Taekwoon returned to the room, and the noise engulfed him. He reclaimed his spot on the sofa. Miraculously no one else had stolen it in the interim. Hakyeon flopped down next to him. The force of him hitting the sofa cushion caused Taekwoon to fly up into the air a tiny bit. Taekwoon turned to look at him. He knew other people would describe his expression as bewildered. What he felt was fond.

“Woon,” Hakyeon said, leaning right into Taekwoon's personal space and winding his arms around him, “do I annoy you?”

“Never,” Taekwoon replied fiercely. “I'll love you even after death.”

“Aw,” Hakyeon cooed, looking satisfied. “Yours or mine?” he asked coquettishly.

“It's the same thing,” Taekwoon replied softly.

Hakyeon looked into his eyes a moment, and then smiled his beautiful smile.

The smile Taekwoon couldn't live without.

 


End file.
